Almost Lover
by onetruelove23
Summary: One-shot that came to mind after Casey's proposal (pre-"Tears of a Clown"). This is how I assume Maura reacted off-screen. The song is "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. The characters are the property of Tess Gerritsen and Rizzoli and Isles. Enjoy! :)


"Well, honey have you tried calling her?" Ma rants in a concerned manner into the other end of the phone as I cross the busy, evening street.

"Of course, Ma. I'm not an idiot..." I mutter in a somewhat lower and more worried tone. "I've called her like fifteen times since Friday."

"What did you say?"

I sigh. "Nothing, Ma. Just...I'm gonna get off the phone. I'm almost to her house now. I'll just see if she's okay myself."

"But Jane-"

I interrupt her impatiently, almost to Maura's house now. "What, Ma?!" I can see the top of her Prius in the driveway, and instantly I feel myself growing more anxious with every step that I take.

In a quieter and more submissive tone, Ma replies, "Tell her that I love her and hope she's okay by the time I get home from my cruise."

"Alright, alright. I will. Bye, Ma." I hang up on the phone, dashing across the sidewalk with both of my hands stuck in my pockets to face the blistering cold. _She'd better be okay...God, let her be okay. _

I reach her doorstep in no time, seeing only a dim light presumably from a lamp on in the living room. I reach my hand up to knock but am stopped by the overwhelming feeling that she won't want to see me if she hasn't been returning my calls and text messages these past two days. I haven't even seen her since her, Casey, and I were at the Nursing Home, which is odd since we normally spend the entire weekend together if we're off from work. _Something's incredibly wrong here.._Luckily, I realize I do have my key to her house on me, pulling it out and opening the door with ease before crossing over the threshold quietly. _I'm going to see my best friend if it kills me._

I close the door silently behind me before tip toeing over to the doorway of the living room, seeing vast darkness broken with only a single lamp on that lights up Maura's body as she lays on the couch with her eyes closed, facing my direction. A song is beginning to play on her stereo as she curls up on the couch, crying without making a single sound.

"_Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images..._

You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick...

I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me...

Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers _always do_..."

Tears now come out of Maura's eyes rampantly as she sobs with increasing volume. "Why, Jane, why?!" I jump slightly, wondering how she knows I'm there...Then I realize she isn't talking to me at all. "Why can't you see what I see..." _What is she talking about?_ "Why can't you say no to Casey?" She lets out a heart breaking sob and buries her head into her hands as I finally figure out what this is all about. _You saw the way Maura looked at you when you told her about the proposal...You saw how upset she was and you just let her go her own way without a second glance! _I cringe at the thought, stepping slightly closer and preparing to speak before I realize the song has continued and Maura is starting to sing along.

"_I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine...  
Did I make it that easy  
To walk right in and out of my life?"_

Though she continues to sing, her voice is completely broken and barely audible after that last verse. __

"Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do..."

As the song ends and the stereo stops playing, Maura whispers quietly. "What do I have to do...I can't lose her."

"Who says you're going to lose me?" My voice is almost as hoarse as hers, tears shimmering in the surface of my eyes. _How could I have been so blind...All this time I thought my feelings for her were unwarranted and not reciprocated...I was a fool..._Her eyes open to stare right up at me as I slowly make my way to the side of the couch, getting down on both of my knees in front of her face.

"Jane...How did you-What did you-" I reach for her hands with both of mine, squeezing them tightly and cutting her off.

"I used my key...and I heard all of the song..." I gaze into her eyes lovingly, trying to get past the walls that Maura has thrown up since Friday. _I've seen her walls before...but I've never seen them when they were holding me out. _I realize that there could be nothing more painful than knowing that Maura was trying to push me away.

"Oh..." She looks even more upset. "Jane, I'm so sorry. I should have made sure I was alone to-"

"To what, Maura?" I lean in even more, reaching one hand up to cup her cheek. "To completely fall apart at the seams?" My voice cracks. "You should have told me how you felt...But I'm glad that I found it out, even if I had to sneak in to do so."

"What difference does it make?" She pulls away from my grip, throwing off the blanket that she had had around her and standing to her feet. "You're marrying Casey. It's my own fault that I'm so bothered about something that I _cannot_ change." She starts to walk to the bedroom to escape further conversation, but I rush after her and grab her arm, turning her around so that she has to look at me.

"Who said I was marrying Casey?" I realize we are much closer than we have really been before, and it feels like even less of a distance between us since I heard how she truly feels about me. Her eyes look incredibly confused as she gazes into mine.

"I'm sorry, Maura...I know you're good at pretending everything's okay, but I'm not...I've loved you since the day I met you...I just figured that my dreams of dating you, marrying you...starting a family with you...were all unattainable." I reach one hand up to brush the tears out from under my own eyes, though more soon take their place. "Now that I know you feel the same way...I just can't-"

"I know, Jane...You can't pursue something with me just because I finally came to my senses-"

"_No." _I state it firmly, coming in even closer while stroking her cheeks with both of my hands. "I can't marry Casey, not when I would know for the rest of my life that my true love was over here in Beacon Hill the entire time...I know I've hurt you with how stupid I've been lately, but Maura..." With each word I say, it becomes even harder to speak from my escalating emotion. "I will get down on my knees and beg you for a second chance. Maur-I'm so sorry-"

Before I can get my word out, I feel Maura place her finger on my lips, shushing me instantly. I do not even think about it as my arms wrap around her waist with hers around my shoulders. Our lips meet halfway between us instinctively, the seemingly normal yet incredibly-special feeling of each other's skin showering over us both. She jumps into my arms, her legs wrapping around my waist as we kiss even more passionately. I break our kiss long enough just to utter a single request.

"_Please_ let me love you." She is stunned momentarily at the oddness of my request, but I know that it is the one thing I need her to do for me. _She can't build walls up against me if we're going to try this..._She realizes my thoughts after reading my expression, her hands framing my face as she stares intently into my eyes...and into my heart.

After a few moments, she kisses my forehead and says with tears still refusing to stop streaming her cheeks. "_Please _don't ever stop."

-The End-


End file.
